Right now, I can say with absolute certainty that I am going through a huge transitional phase in my life. It's one that has me reflecting on my purpose and direction. I have been mulling over what I need to do moving forward and how to get the best out of what I do. When you have been working on pages, programmes, your craft and initiatives for so many years, there will come a time where results need to be seen. How I have felt lately indicates to me that change is needed because I am not getting the results I deserve. On last week's Blog, I contemplated on whether I should give up on my business Maia Dreams, my Kristyl the DRAMA Queen page, my acting career, the programmes I deliver, my university studies, blogging and on God. I am still wading through this current funk and utter frustration. However, I am slowly finding the motivation to keep going.
This week, I would like to share my thoughts about some of the projects that I'm working on. These areas have not been an easy journey. It takes hours, months and years of work, a lot of personal funds, judgment, challenges, lack of support and funding, traction and with what feels like, at times, no real pay off. Sure, there have definitely been growth and really amazing opportunities that occurred but at times, this can be overshadowed by struggles. I am willing to take on the struggle but there are times that too many simultaneous challenges become unbearable. A struggle with no light at the end of the tunnel makes me ask the question, "Am I doing the right thing and should I keep going?". As always, I have no qualms when it comes to sharing those difficulties with the world. I will never pretend to be something that I am not. I will always be raw and transparent even to the point where others have questioned my sanity over the years. People who think that I am the only one who experiences these feelings and frustration must obviously live in a hole. For decades, I followed the journey of people that I was inspired by. However, these were established millionaires that had been well off for a minimum of a decade. In the end, it became hard to listen to them because I was decades behind within my process. I began to follow people in the early stages of their success and was able to identify more with them. That is why I am confident to share my journey with the world in the hopes that it will help someone else feel less alone and know that the journey to success is a hard road at times. Two weeks ago, I knew without a shadow of doubt that I was going to be successful in life. That I would be running a multi million dollar International company, be a well known writer, storyteller, with pages that help and serve others in the world. This week, I am not sure where I am headed but I know that I will be farther into the future than I am today.
Programmes I deliver
The Confident Me Programme is definitely my soul work. I have developed and worked on it for over 12 years. It was developed in 2009 with the aim to help our children and youth struggle less than I did. To help them learn and know to love who they are, love their differences, know how to process their thoughts, take ownership of their feelings and responses, set well planned and achievable goals, learn how their bodies move and so much more. I won’t go too much into its development or what we do as this will be tackled in one of my future blogs. What I will talk about briefly today is how I've read over a thousand books when I was 15, listened to over 20,000 hours of content in human development, human psychology and self growth over the last 24 years. I trained and certified myself as a NLP Practitioner and Life coach. I interviewed around 104 psychologists, teachers, early educators, counselors, therapists, social workers on their best strategies and tools to build confidence and resilience in children and youth. I am currently working on my degree in Psychology at Massey University to harness my skills to support this endeavor. I have worked with over 6000 students doing this programme and I have learned so much along the way. So yes, I can confidently say I know a little something about building confidence in myself, children, youth and adults. What has been challenging is the constant judgment and validity of what I do. Yes, you could say such is life but it still sucks! Expectations like 20 hours will transform a student without any implementation from others outside of the programme. Some schools want the programme but are not willing to pay or pay us the bare minimum which sees us working for $7 an hour. Funders who want more outcome than the 2 to 3 we are able to achieve for each student. However they never gave us details on what they hoped for so we could meet them. So they put it down to "this programme doesn’t work". As if creating habits, rewiring the brain is an overnight process. Spending 120 hours and making less than $500 is not okay anymore. It is at times like this that have me questioning if I should still pursue this work.
Kristyl the DRAMA Queen
This page initially started from a small idea of me wondering why people didn’t use their commonsense enough. Then, I thought it may be an interesting way to talk about it online and reach more people. So in 2017, after consulting with my brother for a name, I started this page. It began with my first video on "How To Use Common Sense". This was when selling items on Facebook was all the rage. It got a lot of views, comments and shares. At first, I thought it was fun. I had to learn about how to reach people, algorithms and groups. So I joined a lot to be able to share relevant videos I was doing. I started seeing other pages and watched what they were doing . What I started to encounter quite early on was a little rough at first. I received constant support as an Actress and storyteller in theatre from close family and friends. However, I didn’t receive the same amount of enthusiasm doing this page. There were only a small handful of family and friends who supported me. I even had some close family tell me it’s just not their thing and they aren't likely to support my page. If ever I had a close friend or family ask me to support them, I wouldn’t hesitate. I was shocked by this judgment and resistance. I even had a few friends and family point out other pages and people that were doing way better than I was. So after only a few months I shut down the page for 8 months. Since 2017, that has been my pattern as I tried to figure out how to run this page. Some people get it easily and know exactly who their target audience is and created the content for their audience. Me on the hand, I have changed a lot during that time and so has my content. I discovered some ways that will help my page to grow but I don’t want to do it that way. I spent money on ads to get my content out there and realized what a waste that was. It's a journey I am trying to traverse because if it doesn’t go anywhere then I don’t want to waste my time anymore.
This Blog
There will always be things we continue to think about a lot; whether it is traveling somewhere, starting something, giving something a go, trying a new hobby or studying. I also believe that if we keep thinking about it year after year, then we should eventually give it a go. One of those things for me was writing a Blog. I thought it would be a great opportunity to use this alongside my theme and challenge for the year of ‘Passionately Failing Towards Success’. This weekly Blog would ensure that I had consistently checked in each week and asked myself the question, ‘Am I Passionately Failing Towards Success? I am on week 12 with 40 more weeks of Blogging to go. It will be interesting to see what I have learnt and what I gained at the end of this challenge. As always, with many of my initiatives, I wonder if there is any point in continuing. I ponder on whether anyone is even reading them and if anyone finds them useful. Thank you to my uncle Royce who has read and commented on all of my Blogs because that means so much to me. I know I cannot give up even when I want to. Yes, maybe no one will read them, maybe they’ll never get traction, maybe it will never help anyone. But I think that if I can learn and grow from doing them, that would be enough and I would've achieved my goal.
My Acting Career
I spent 9 years training as an Actress and storyteller. In 2001, I did the 2 year Diploma course in Performing Arts Theatre at EIT. In 2003, I did the Diploma course at South Seas Film and Television. I completed my Bachelors Degree at Toi Whakaari in 2008. I did creative writing papers at Massey University in 2015 and completed a Film and Television Certificate at NZ Film Academy in 2016. So, I have done a bit of training in the Arts. Then, over the last 12 years, I have been writing skits, shows, pieces, songs, raps and material for children and youth as well as my own shows. I went into communities as opposed to mainstream because I have always been fascinated by telling stories to audiences that don’t usually go to theatre and tell stories from those that are rarely heard. I wanted to help students share their own stories and to let their voices be heard. I have run many Performing Art programmes and workshops. I have written and performed my own shows. Through these, I have Directed and produced many things, as well. During this time, I have been privileged to be in many shows alongside other amazing theatre practitioners throughout the last decade.
After 22 years, however, there are still some creative associates who question my ability to put on my own shows - be it in performing, producing or directing. When did 22 years become nothing? How, after this much time and dedication, am I still incapable of doing different roles in theatre? In such a small industry, we don’t have the luxury of a large cast and crew so we learn to do multiple roles. Most people who know me are aware that Storytelling and the Arts is one of my biggest passions in life. It is something I obsess over and am always trying to learn and improve. I am glad I ignored those people and continued doing what I love. I don’t need their approval to do what I love. I am currently working on my newest solo show Tangihanga that I will be performing later in the year. Multi characters are my favourite form of storytelling. I will be taking that to a whole new level in this show. No one to limit me, make me be something I am not, try to change me, make me smaller or try to be my savior. This story was first conceived in 2009 when my dad died and I am excited to be finally be able to do this show. Discussion is already underway with a few festivals and I am feeling blessed. These kind of judgments I mentioned previously are major factors that had me questioning whether I would continue doing the Arts.
I am not someone who tries things once or twice with an expectation of overnight success. I also don’t enjoy the constant struggle trying to make it. I know that it’s part and parcel of my journey but sometimes, it really sucks! What I think I want people to know is that support can make all the difference to the closest people in your lives because it definitely means a lot to me. Especially to those who are the closest to me in my life. I don’t expect you to read every Blog but I hope that if I have done 52 of them that you could at least read 1. I hope that when Articles of me come out in the paper that you would happily take time out to read them. Although you don’t join my programmes, I’d appreciate it if you shared my post even once. I don’t expect you to come to my shows but if someone else might, I’d hope that you could recommend me. I don’t expect you to watch one of the thousands of videos I have posted online but I’d hope you’d be able to watch at least one all the way through and give it a like. I have learnt that the journey to success can be lonely. So having even a small bit of support around me would mean a great deal. I don't ask for help a lot because it has rarely been a nice experience. So if you could support the people in your lives who are really trying to make a difference in the world, then please help them.
Photography Credit: Charlotte Anderson
Komentáře