My biggest passion in life is trying to figure out how to be my best self. Everyday, I am working relentlessly on monitoring my emotions, being careful of the things I say to myself and to others, watching what I view, trying to be more conscious of the things I say or talk about and being careful of who I allow into my life. Everyday is a journey to ensure that I am giving myself the best chance to succeed. Learning how to be me has been an ongoing journey to continuously work on undoing what society or my past has said I am and learn to listen to who I know myself to be. From the day we are born, we are constantly compared to others. Right from babies we are compared in weight, size, looks, when we start to walk or how soon we began to talk. We grow up and we are compared to our siblings, cousins, other students and many people around us. We are then told how we should behave, how we should look, what we should be doing and we learn to drown out the real us. We learn to drown out our natural instincts. Trying to mold ourselves into this construct created by society and those around us.
What I have learned over the last 5 years is to really know myself as much as I can. To know myself more than others. That way, I don't let the world and things outside of myself dictate my worth or value. So, I have had to work hard on creating new patterns of thinking and behaviours to override habits that don't help or serve me. In this weeks’ Blog, I will share a few ways I have worked on to really embrace myself and most importantly, love who I am.
MY BELIEFS
I would definitely say that my belief in God is the corner stone of my focus, choices and decisions. I was raised and brought up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. So God and Jesus Christ are the foundation of those beliefs. Whether people share my beliefs or not, I know that my beliefs help me to be kind, caring, repentant, forgiving, think about the choices I make, be a woman of worth, chaste, benevolent and more. Also my belief as a Maori also adds to my depth in thinking and connects to me to everything around me.
HOW I PHYSICALLY LOOK
doing a Louise Hays Mirror work exercise when I was 21 I have always thought I was beautiful. Before doing that work, I thought if I had longer hair, or if I was skinner, or I had better clothes, I would be beautiful. It was with doing that exercise that made me realise I could be beautiful right now, just as I am. It has been 18 years since that time and I have had to make sure to keep working on my self belief to ensure that I know my own worth and beauty. Thankfully, since then I have never doubted that I am beautiful. I do that work because it is my responsibility. I have been working hard on embracing everything about myself internally and externally. I have now learnt to fully appreciate my physical body. And as I have lost weight, I was determined not to live my life judging my body. So yes, I have loose skin, stretch marks, wrinkles and all but that makes me who I am. And I am not ashamed.
KNOWING WHAT MY STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES ARE
Knowing my strengths and weaknesses has allowed me to use them when things are difficult or confusing. Learning what my strengths are allowed me to propel myself forward. My weaknesses have helped me identify what I can work on. My confidence and desire to keep growing has been a strength to never give up. Knowing these areas have helped me to continue to grow.
RELATIONSHIPS
Who we allow into our life can make a huge difference. I have spent the last 5 years working really hard on getting rid of toxic people from my life, in person and online. It will not always be possible to fully eliminate all toxic people but you can definitely limit their access to you. I have had 3 toxic people lingering off and on in my life for years but I am glad they have no access to my life unless they try. Most people who are a part of my life contribute in a positive way and I am grateful to all of them.
I have also been single for a few years and this has allowed me to finally be in the best place to pursue a relationship when the time is right. I know I'm ready because:
1. I am ready to choose the right partner for me. As opposed to the past where I would enter into the most unfavourable of relationships.
2. I know my worth and am not rushing into anything that doesn’t feel right.
3. I am willing to wait for someone who matches me in education, values, commonalities, ambition, drive, intellect, physical attributes and more.
4. I know that I only deserve the best and I am also willing to offer that person my best as well.
BEING WILLING TO FAIL
What has helped me the most is taking the opportunity to push myself outside my comfort zone on a regular basis. This has allowed me to learn so much about myself, what I can handle, what I can learn, who is important to me and more. When we stay comfortable we, don’t grow as much.
PROMOTE MYSELF
The biggest lesson I have had to learn along the way is to promote myself. I may have a big personality, I may be an actress and talk a lot but it is different to promote who you are in front of people officially. However, over the last year and a bit, I have been promoting myself more than ever and it has taught me a lot about how I see myself and what I value. People will always misunderstand me or take our words out of context but I know who I am.
Life is much more enjoyable when we are doing the things that mean the most to us. Knowing our worth, our value and our purpose in life helps us feel a sense of fulfilment. Knowing who I am helps me navigate this journey of life with more ease and confidence. I want to finish this Blog with a poem I wrote many years ago.
A MAP TO A WOMAN’S BEAUTY
Here stands before you a map of me that I make pretty clear to see.
If you see me, then hear me, then know me, you'll feel me.
And you'll be in no doubt of who I am.
For I do not have a iddy biddy waist that may magically appear in a blink of an eye
or a click of a finger or a tap of a toe
My fluffy sides, my squishy edges, and my faluptuous curves
cannot hide anything from the human eye
I have big hands, big feet, big legs, a big body, a big personality
with a big voice that booms
My low seductively sultry womanly tones will never be confused
for the high pitched angelic tones of a young girl.
My looks are not a magazine cover or photoshopped perfection
but my eyes, these eyes the windows to my soul
have a beauty etched deeper than the temporary youthful popularity.
For every part of me has a distinct reflection of a strong,
grounded, powerful, mana wahine with a heart that beats deeply.
My walk so intentional that when I move,
my body slices through the air with unbridled power.
Loving every inch of my tinana, my body for all of its glorious form and shape.
For isn't that far better, then to look at my tinana in disgust
as if I should be repulsed at the sight of me. For I am not.
God given, these curves, this form has created life. Held life so preciously within my womb within in me. What greater experience to create life from within the shapely form of a woman's beauty. My scars, my eyes, my body, my voice, my mind are all a map of my inner beauty. There is no need to question who you see when you look at me. For I am a woman's beauty. For I am no wallflower and I do not hang my head in shame. For I am a wahine toa who sits upon her throne adorned and crowned with mana and strength. I am a kuini o te ao immersed in the beauty which is me. For as a mother my taonga, my gift to my tamahine, my daughter is to teach her to accept and love herself, give herself all the aroha and love that she has the capacity to create within her and for her to see her map to her own inner beauty.
And I will continue to accept every inch of who I am for that is the true essence of a map to a woman's beauty.
Photography Credit: Charlotte Anderson
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