For so many years, I have been very clear on my direction in life. I have been driving towards what I thought was my long-term goal. However, we sometimes find ourselves at a crossroads, unsure of which path to take. While I was navigating through this transitional phase over the last 4 months, I've come to realise that realigning and resetting life isn't always a smooth process but a worthwhile one. It has not been easy and at times, it was slightly debilitating and scary. Also having to deal with negative as well as toxic factors outside of myself was frustrating and tiring. Despite all these, I am grateful for certain events that occurred which helped me make the best decisions for me and my daughter. So for this week's blog, I decided to ponder on what change and the unknown means to me and the learnings that came with these things.
Recognizing the need for change was the first step in my journey. Last year was stressful & I was working tirelessly and feeling overwhelmed. I definitely learnt a lot but it occurred to me that I was neglecting myself in the pursuit of constantly helping others. The stress had taken a toll on me resulting in burn out.
Sitting alone at the beach, I couldn't shake off the stress and unhappiness that I had been feeling for months. My business, once fulfilling, had become stressful. My career which was starting to take off was on hold because of my busy schedule. I rarely got to see the people I love & care about and I felt extremely underappreciated and undervalued. I was craving fulfillment and more personal growth. I especially wanted to actually enjoy life again. The final straw was having to deal with a really horrendous situation and it was at that moment that I finally admitted to myself that I was unhappy & I needed a change.
Embracing the unknown was scary. But I could no longer stay in a position or environment that no longer served me and was no longer in line with my purpose. I knew that whatever I decided would impact other people but it was imperative to put myself and my daughter first. It was definitely not the easiest road to take but now, I am so grateful to have made that decision.
I am grateful to be where I am today and to have made those uncomfortable decisions. To finally listen to myself and to give myself the space to do what I really love and what I'm really good at. The last few weeks have finally started to show the benefits of my decisions. I have strengthened my relationships, I have more free time to pursue the things that I love, I've spent more time with my daughter and dogs, my health has increased a hundredfold and I have more clarity as I start my journey of realigning my priorities life.
Change isn't always easy and at times, I have found myself unintentionally holding onto old habits and outdated patterns. It's like a part of me was resisting the very change I wanted. I had to face a few fears and insecurities head-on, reminding myself that change is necessary for growth. I noticed this week that I was starting to go back into old habits or self-sabotaging again. So, I have had put a check on that and continue to sit with the uncomfortable. It feels good to finally pursue things I should have done many years ago.
With the decision to realign my life, I dissolved my business, signed up with an Acting Agent, started up a new business & I also decided to start fresh in a new location. Moving away from a lot of toxic energy to a new city meant a new church, new home, new work opportunities & friends. It has a complete overhaul of my surroundings, but a necessary one for my personal growth and well-being.
Through this journey, I've learned important lessons about resilience, patience, and really believing in myself. I'm starting to discover new passions and interests, and I've begun to redefine success on my own terms. I finally feel like I'm on the right path to do what I've always wanted. I was temporarily side tracked but through it, I learned a ton about myself and what I am capable of. I'm glad to be on the right path again.
